You can't (shouldn't?) go home again.

So I'm back in my old hometown this week, and first thing here my mom shows me some pictures of before I left. I was pretty fat. Or, at least, 30 pounds bigger then I am now.

So now my eyes, or maybe my third eye, my inner eyes, are playing tricks on me. I have to keep checking in the mirror that I look the same still, because as soon as I look away, my body swells that 30 pounds and I am right back where I started.

I am seeing old friends and staying clean. But I am having mood swings left and right lol.

The day before yesterday I woke up in the best mood I have been in a really long time. I smiled at strangers on my way to get coffee. I was happy!

Then the rain came.
And it has been grey and dreary ever since, and so has my mood.
And so has Lui's mood!
It is inescapable!

We miss the sweet golden light of New Mexico, the blazing constant sun... and this visit, though I missed everyone and loved seeing them, has made me realize where my real home is now, where I belong and am most happy.

I have moved on, and it feels so good.